More reminiscences from my secular past. I truly regret being unchaste, having sex outside of marriage but it’s interesting to think about the dynamics in play here:
There’s a good post on Chateau Heartiste about how to game manipulative girls and I just realized…fuck, I was manipulated.
This was years ago. I was dating a girl I liked a lot, but I made a new “friend” who I also liked. This friend claimed to be a lesbian, but she was the feminine/lipstick variety lesbian. She said she had some boyfriends in high school but realized she was a lesbian in college, and after that was exclusively attracted to women.
This lesbian girl was very flirty with me. However, the whole time she was flirting with me she would talk about her “future dream wife” and the type of queer marriage she wanted. Yeah, I used to be dumb not just in spiritual and moral issues, but also in social matters. Living in San Francisco didn’t help.
My girlfriend was getting annoyed with how much time I was spending with my new friend, so I started to make myself scarce. The reduced time with me seemed to annoy the lesbian. Then out of nowhere, my friend tells me she met and fucked some other guy.
This made me insane with jealousy. Really, she fucked another guy? I don’t know why, but for some reason that drove me crazy. I mean, I had my own girlfriend so this other girl can do whatever she wants with her life. Why was I jealous? I had no claim on her.
I think the reason why it drove me crazy is that for months I was the one and only guy she flirted with, while she dated and had sex with other girls. The fact that she let another guy put his dick inside her made me furious.
That very night I ended up having sex with the lesbian. And I had sex with her a hell of a lot more times after that. The lesbian was stupid-obsessed with me. I even tried to get the lesbian and my girlfriend into a three-way relationship with me. Man, that was a big mistake. Everything blew up and my girlfriend broke up with me.
Did I make the lesbian my girlfriend? Hell no.
The fact that she fucked another guy basically drove me to have sex with her, but it also gave birth to a sense of disgust toward her. There was no way I was going to make the lesbian my girlfriend. I wasn’t bothered by the fact that she had sex with other women. I kind of dug that. No, the fact that she had sex with another guy while she was clearly in love with me made me despise her.
Now here’s the big revelation – after reading the Heartiste post, I started to wonder if she even had sex with another guy. Upon reflection, I’m now convinced that there was never another guy. She made it all up to get me to do something, like have sex with her.
So we never dated officially. I kept her around and had sex with her every so often. It was convenient because I could get her to drop all her plans for me at the drop of a hat. She was also good for going to parties with and pulling girls into threesome. (It is embarrassing how blatantly sinful I used to be) She eventually stopped dating women completely, going totally straight. She met some guy, got married and now they have two kids together.
I’m sitting here, years later, and I feel like a chump. I was totally played.
